Finding myself at a turning point, my belief in a Higher Power and my life in tatters, friends suggested, to mend my ways, I reached out, prayed as they advised. ”God if there is a God help me” and put Him to the test. Later I had to buy my first used car. Once more I listened to my friends, prayed and did a test drive.
LAST RESORT
I was desperate,
why else would I turn
to you?
They said
you were reliable,
could be trusted.
Wavering,
I opened the door.
Stepped in.
Got behind the wheel.
Turned the key.
Shifted out of reverse
into forward.
To me, you were
just another used car.
I kicked your tires,
tested your steering
on open road
and congested streets.
I found you
to be like no other.
No rattles, no shakes.
Balanced and aligned
your timing perfect,
you purred in cruise
and when pedal to metal
you roared.
With a fresh belief,
trusting your handling,
experiencing your power,
I bought You,
bumper to bumper.
Jim
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Journey and Destination
Sometimes we're blessed with the awareness that we're experiencing some precious and wonderful moments. We are conscious of an infinite moment. Trapped in linear time and space the beauty of the moment passes however it's not lost but is capture by all our senses for all time.
This pass week we were gifted with a flood of these moments attending a week-long Dream Conference between the awesome delight of crossing and recrossing the Smokies and the Appalachians. We could have taken the interstates and been there within hours. We opted for the "scenic route", 118 curves in 11 miles at one stretch. We choose the clear air, waterfalls, white water, trees and more trees, embracing shear cliffs and slow traffic (mostly under 40mph)to the intimidating broad-sided diesel belching 18 wheelers.
At the conference we met old and new friends. With the "old" we shared the laughs and the tears of the past year. With the "new" we relived the excitement and expectations of "first- timers". We sang, ate, prayed and shared dreams in our lake-side wilderness retreat.Laughter was the music of the week. Even the ducks waddled up on shore to add their "quakling" voices.
The frosting on the cake, being a first time author, for me was the announcement from the podium to the approximately 200 assembled that my book and ebook (Kindle) "Joyful & Free" was now available that day on Amazon.
Needless to say I was overwhelmed with gratitude to my life-time mate and all the wonderful people who who have helped me over the years to have such a week.
Who says we have to die to experience heaven.
Jim
This pass week we were gifted with a flood of these moments attending a week-long Dream Conference between the awesome delight of crossing and recrossing the Smokies and the Appalachians. We could have taken the interstates and been there within hours. We opted for the "scenic route", 118 curves in 11 miles at one stretch. We choose the clear air, waterfalls, white water, trees and more trees, embracing shear cliffs and slow traffic (mostly under 40mph)to the intimidating broad-sided diesel belching 18 wheelers.
At the conference we met old and new friends. With the "old" we shared the laughs and the tears of the past year. With the "new" we relived the excitement and expectations of "first- timers". We sang, ate, prayed and shared dreams in our lake-side wilderness retreat.Laughter was the music of the week. Even the ducks waddled up on shore to add their "quakling" voices.
The frosting on the cake, being a first time author, for me was the announcement from the podium to the approximately 200 assembled that my book and ebook (Kindle) "Joyful & Free" was now available that day on Amazon.
Needless to say I was overwhelmed with gratitude to my life-time mate and all the wonderful people who who have helped me over the years to have such a week.
Who says we have to die to experience heaven.
Jim
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Joyous & Free In Spite of Myself
Back again after a couple of months of blood, sweat and tears (I exaggerate, actually I enjoyed it) getting my new book ready for launching.
The title says it all. IN SPITE OF MYSELF I completed everything required (felt more like demanded of me) and the printers proof arrived yesterday for approval. With our approval I am told it is ready and available to all on Amazon.
The book takes the reader along on a trip through the first five years of his sobriety. It is the author's journey of mind, body and spirit that is accompanied by a running dialogue(conflict) between his ears (mind talk) over how to stay sober, change and turn his life around. The battle wages between his old way of addictive thinking and acting out to a new and uncharted sober way of thinking and living.
Happy to see all but a couple of my favorites are still up and running. Missed you all
Jim
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Handling Change
Love life now that I no longer feel the drive to travel life's highway in the control lane. Yesterday had been planned a couple of weeks in advance. We would drive up to Nashville and spend the weekend with our children, and their children.
The main reason(s) for the planned weekend was the celebration of not one but five birthdays, an anniversary and family get-together delayed by an unusually cold and nasty winter.
It would be an eventful couple of days sitting in the stands watching one our great grand daughters perform in dance competition and witness our one great grandson compete in basketball. The frosting on the cake would be the cake all of us together.
On Friday I scheduled having new tires mounted on the car for the trip to Mobile and Mardi Gras the following Friday. Needed to get it done this Friday cause after the Nashville trip, I had to travel cross state Monday night to attended a board meeting (2 days).
Proud of myself because I had masterfully maneuvered appointments and commitment's around and had leaned on my mechanic to squeeze the tire thing into my schedule. I was in the cat-bird seat. God I was good!
Saturday morning I was still patting myself on the back when 10 miles out of town and cruising the interstate at 75 I was flagged down by a passing car. The driver slowed, kept abreast of me while frantically pointing to something wrong one of my tires. At first I was bewildered, no way they're not 24hrs old so I shook him off until he sped up to reveal he had his blinker on.
Quick witted as I am I figured it out. I pulled over to the shoulder, got out and discovered one of my tires was flat. Right, so after my wife suggested I call 911, say the Serenity Prayer I called Tennessee's excellent emergency road service. Within twenty minutes my "donut" spare was mounted. Nothing I could do about fixing the new tire today, my mechanic was closed with no home phone.
To sum this up my wife and I stopped for coffee, notified Nashville about change in plans for the day. Having accepted our powerlessness over our situation and deciding on our first move the rest of the day just fell into place filled with being in the right places, at the right time with people who needed us in their lives that day.
Scare myself when I accept change and interruption in MY plans so easily. All I can say is that Serenity Prayer is a real winner and I can't compete only cooperate with that Higher Power.
Jim
The main reason(s) for the planned weekend was the celebration of not one but five birthdays, an anniversary and family get-together delayed by an unusually cold and nasty winter.
It would be an eventful couple of days sitting in the stands watching one our great grand daughters perform in dance competition and witness our one great grandson compete in basketball. The frosting on the cake would be the cake all of us together.
On Friday I scheduled having new tires mounted on the car for the trip to Mobile and Mardi Gras the following Friday. Needed to get it done this Friday cause after the Nashville trip, I had to travel cross state Monday night to attended a board meeting (2 days).
Proud of myself because I had masterfully maneuvered appointments and commitment's around and had leaned on my mechanic to squeeze the tire thing into my schedule. I was in the cat-bird seat. God I was good!
Saturday morning I was still patting myself on the back when 10 miles out of town and cruising the interstate at 75 I was flagged down by a passing car. The driver slowed, kept abreast of me while frantically pointing to something wrong one of my tires. At first I was bewildered, no way they're not 24hrs old so I shook him off until he sped up to reveal he had his blinker on.
Quick witted as I am I figured it out. I pulled over to the shoulder, got out and discovered one of my tires was flat. Right, so after my wife suggested I call 911, say the Serenity Prayer I called Tennessee's excellent emergency road service. Within twenty minutes my "donut" spare was mounted. Nothing I could do about fixing the new tire today, my mechanic was closed with no home phone.
To sum this up my wife and I stopped for coffee, notified Nashville about change in plans for the day. Having accepted our powerlessness over our situation and deciding on our first move the rest of the day just fell into place filled with being in the right places, at the right time with people who needed us in their lives that day.
Scare myself when I accept change and interruption in MY plans so easily. All I can say is that Serenity Prayer is a real winner and I can't compete only cooperate with that Higher Power.
Jim
Friday, February 25, 2011
Conscious Contact
Reading Transcending The Levels of Consciousness, D. Hawkins, the other day I came across a passage that hooked me. As usual I twisted it into words I can relate to. The parenthesises are mine.
Mystical union(conscience contact with God) is a state of grace that is unconjured (not conjured by our prayer, meditation or any effort on our part)by work or practice, though it usually follows upon them.
In Step Ten of 12 Step recovery it is suggested that we seek this conscience contact through prayer and meditation. The step also gives promise that if we do so we will recognize the implication of this conscious contact in our daily life.
Over time I came to believe ( to be convinced)that this conscience contact with God is evidenced by the recognition that all is grace and synchronicity, so that, no matter how chaotic or puzzling life becomes, my destiny is being beautifully fulfilled.
As the days and years tumble on I wonder why I wasted so much time struggling with worry or fear for the future, beating my self up, concerned that I wouldn't be up for coping with life's situations lacking the faith in my Higher Power.
When asked, I'll tell you my life until I was in my late twenties was one of chaos and lacking direction; that my life changed when I sobered up and turned my will and my life over to Good Orderly Direction.
I have to admit my ego kinda hedged the "turned my life over" proclamation with,"yah but, remember buster some of the credit belongs to me. If it wasn't for me planning your next moves and practicing every day on the maintenance of your spiritual condition some of the glitter would come off your new life."
I came to realize that my struggle with worry and fear was the product of my battle with life to retain control of it. The more I practiced letting go and letting GOD take care of the future the more peace and serenity I experience in my life. I must add my Higher Power doesn't send me advanced travel plans for my journey; no, just daily road signs (people,especially people, places and things) as to which routes and turns I should take next.
If I stay in the present, heed His direction and listen to the people in my life that I love (and visa-versa)my life as seen in my rear-view mirror makes sense. I can trust it. I'm where I'm suppose to be, going where I suppose to be. And to me that's down right awesome.
Mystical union(conscience contact with God) is a state of grace that is unconjured (not conjured by our prayer, meditation or any effort on our part)by work or practice, though it usually follows upon them.
In Step Ten of 12 Step recovery it is suggested that we seek this conscience contact through prayer and meditation. The step also gives promise that if we do so we will recognize the implication of this conscious contact in our daily life.
Over time I came to believe ( to be convinced)that this conscience contact with God is evidenced by the recognition that all is grace and synchronicity, so that, no matter how chaotic or puzzling life becomes, my destiny is being beautifully fulfilled.
As the days and years tumble on I wonder why I wasted so much time struggling with worry or fear for the future, beating my self up, concerned that I wouldn't be up for coping with life's situations lacking the faith in my Higher Power.
When asked, I'll tell you my life until I was in my late twenties was one of chaos and lacking direction; that my life changed when I sobered up and turned my will and my life over to Good Orderly Direction.
I have to admit my ego kinda hedged the "turned my life over" proclamation with,"yah but, remember buster some of the credit belongs to me. If it wasn't for me planning your next moves and practicing every day on the maintenance of your spiritual condition some of the glitter would come off your new life."
I came to realize that my struggle with worry and fear was the product of my battle with life to retain control of it. The more I practiced letting go and letting GOD take care of the future the more peace and serenity I experience in my life. I must add my Higher Power doesn't send me advanced travel plans for my journey; no, just daily road signs (people,especially people, places and things) as to which routes and turns I should take next.
If I stay in the present, heed His direction and listen to the people in my life that I love (and visa-versa)my life as seen in my rear-view mirror makes sense. I can trust it. I'm where I'm suppose to be, going where I suppose to be. And to me that's down right awesome.
Conscious Contact With Higher Power
Reading Transcending The Levels of Consciousness, D. Hawkins, the other day I came across a passage that hooked me. As usual I twisted it into words I can relate to. The parenthesises are mine.
Mystical union(conscience contact with God) is a state of grace that is unconjured (not conjured by our prayer, meditation or any effort on our part)by work or practice, though it usually follows upon them.
In Step Ten of 12 Step recovery it is suggested that we seek this conscience contact through prayer and meditation. The step also gives promise that if we do so we will recognize the implication of this conscious contact in our daily life.
Over time I came to believe ( to be convinced)that this conscience contact with God is evidenced by the recognition that all is grace and synchronicity, so that, no matter how chaotic or puzzling life becomes, my destiny is being beautifully fulfilled.
As the days and years tumble on I wonder why I wasted so much time struggling with worry or fear for the future, beating my self up, concerned that I wouldn't be up for coping with life's situations lacking the faith in my Higher Power.
When asked, I'll tell you my life until I was in my late twenties was one of chaos and lacking direction; that my life changed when I sobered up and turned my will and my life over to Good Orderly Direction.
I have to admit my ego kinda hedged the "turned my life over" proclamation with,"yah but, remember buster some of the credit belongs to me. If it wasn't for me planning your next moves and practicing every day on the maintenance of your spiritual condition some of the glitter would come off your new life."
I came to realize that my struggle with worry and fear was the product of my battle with life to retain control of it. The more I practiced letting go and letting GOD take care of the future the more peace and serenity I experience in my life. I must add my Higher Power doesn't send me advanced travel plans for my journey; no, just daily road signs (people,especially people, places and things) as to which routes and turns I should take next.
If I stay in the present, heed His direction and listen to the people in my life that I love (and visa-versa)my life as seen in my rear-view mirror makes sense. I can trust it. I'm where I'm suppose to be, going where I suppose to be. And to me that's down right awesome.
Mystical union(conscience contact with God) is a state of grace that is unconjured (not conjured by our prayer, meditation or any effort on our part)by work or practice, though it usually follows upon them.
In Step Ten of 12 Step recovery it is suggested that we seek this conscience contact through prayer and meditation. The step also gives promise that if we do so we will recognize the implication of this conscious contact in our daily life.
Over time I came to believe ( to be convinced)that this conscience contact with God is evidenced by the recognition that all is grace and synchronicity, so that, no matter how chaotic or puzzling life becomes, my destiny is being beautifully fulfilled.
As the days and years tumble on I wonder why I wasted so much time struggling with worry or fear for the future, beating my self up, concerned that I wouldn't be up for coping with life's situations lacking the faith in my Higher Power.
When asked, I'll tell you my life until I was in my late twenties was one of chaos and lacking direction; that my life changed when I sobered up and turned my will and my life over to Good Orderly Direction.
I have to admit my ego kinda hedged the "turned my life over" proclamation with,"yah but, remember buster some of the credit belongs to me. If it wasn't for me planning your next moves and practicing every day on the maintenance of your spiritual condition some of the glitter would come off your new life."
I came to realize that my struggle with worry and fear was the product of my battle with life to retain control of it. The more I practiced letting go and letting GOD take care of the future the more peace and serenity I experience in my life. I must add my Higher Power doesn't send me advanced travel plans for my journey; no, just daily road signs (people,especially people, places and things) as to which routes and turns I should take next.
If I stay in the present, heed His direction and listen to the people in my life that I love (and visa-versa)my life as seen in my rear-view mirror makes sense. I can trust it. I'm where I'm suppose to be, going where I suppose to be. And to me that's down right awesome.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Language of the Heart
As usual, while the rest of the household was still caught up in the bed sheets I got up and went through my morning routine of spiritual reading, meditation and prayer. Then with the birds singing with joy because of our (after a loooong unseasonably cold winter) springlike reprieve I went after the paper at the local newsstand.
The women was cheerful, it was contagious although she agreed with me that,"I have to get up a couple hours early in order to get myself together." To that I added, "know what you mean,I unfold rather than wake up."
Having shared my Sunday morning meanderings with you I'd like to share this-morning's spiritual reading,a poem by Rumi the much quoted 13th century Persian Sufi. I apologize to Rumi for mangling his beautiful words with my own translation.
Here is what I heard.
Speak from the heart, never the mind.
Your honesty and courage will set an example for others,
and by listening to you,
they will be inspired to reveal their own heart.
This "heart speaking" is a spiritual practice.
It means, tell the truth and live within
your own boundaries and dimensions
without ever bragging about things
you won't be able to to live up to
or deliver to others.
Heart speaking will bring you a gift
whenever you practice it.
You will do the next right thing.
The heart knows but cannot tell;
The mind doesn't know but can tell.
Stretch yourself to speak from the heart
and bypass the the mind---
you will see miracles
boomerang back into your life.
As my sponsor always cautioned me,"Speak and act as if you are the only Big
Book (AA) someone might read."
Or as Bill W. referred to the message of AA. Its "the language of the heart."
Jim
The women was cheerful, it was contagious although she agreed with me that,"I have to get up a couple hours early in order to get myself together." To that I added, "know what you mean,I unfold rather than wake up."
Having shared my Sunday morning meanderings with you I'd like to share this-morning's spiritual reading,a poem by Rumi the much quoted 13th century Persian Sufi. I apologize to Rumi for mangling his beautiful words with my own translation.
Here is what I heard.
Speak from the heart, never the mind.
Your honesty and courage will set an example for others,
and by listening to you,
they will be inspired to reveal their own heart.
This "heart speaking" is a spiritual practice.
It means, tell the truth and live within
your own boundaries and dimensions
without ever bragging about things
you won't be able to to live up to
or deliver to others.
Heart speaking will bring you a gift
whenever you practice it.
You will do the next right thing.
The heart knows but cannot tell;
The mind doesn't know but can tell.
Stretch yourself to speak from the heart
and bypass the the mind---
you will see miracles
boomerang back into your life.
As my sponsor always cautioned me,"Speak and act as if you are the only Big
Book (AA) someone might read."
Or as Bill W. referred to the message of AA. Its "the language of the heart."
Jim
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