Handling Change

Love life now that I no longer feel the drive to travel life's highway in the control lane. Yesterday had been planned a couple of weeks in advance. We would drive up to Nashville and spend the weekend with our children, and their children.

The main reason(s) for the planned weekend was the celebration of not one but five birthdays, an anniversary and family get-together delayed by an unusually cold and nasty winter.

It would be an eventful couple of days sitting in the stands watching one our great grand daughters perform in dance competition and witness our one great grandson compete in basketball. The frosting on the cake would be the cake all of us together.

On Friday I scheduled having new tires mounted on the car for the trip to Mobile and Mardi Gras the following Friday. Needed to get it done this Friday cause after the Nashville trip, I had to travel cross state Monday night to attended a board meeting (2 days).

Proud of myself because I had masterfully maneuvered appointments and commitment's around and had leaned on my mechanic to squeeze the tire thing into my schedule. I was in the cat-bird seat. God I was good!

Saturday morning I was still patting myself on the back when 10 miles out of town and cruising the interstate at 75 I was flagged down by a passing car. The driver slowed, kept abreast of me while frantically pointing to something wrong one of my tires. At first I was bewildered, no way they're not 24hrs old so I shook him off until he sped up to reveal he had his blinker on.

Quick witted as I am I figured it out. I pulled over to the shoulder, got out and discovered one of my tires was flat. Right, so after my wife suggested I call 911, say the Serenity Prayer I called Tennessee's excellent emergency road service. Within twenty minutes my "donut" spare was mounted. Nothing I could do about fixing the new tire today, my mechanic was closed with no home phone.

To sum this up my wife and I stopped for coffee, notified Nashville about change in plans for the day. Having accepted our powerlessness over our situation and deciding on our first move the rest of the day just fell into place filled with being in the right places, at the right time with people who needed us in their lives that day.

Scare myself when I accept change and interruption in MY plans so easily. All I can say is that Serenity Prayer is a real winner and I can't compete only cooperate with that Higher Power.

Jim

Conscious Contact

Reading Transcending The Levels of Consciousness, D. Hawkins, the other day I came across a passage that hooked me. As usual I twisted it into words I can relate to. The parenthesises are mine.

Mystical union(conscience contact with God) is a state of grace that is unconjured (not conjured by our prayer, meditation or any effort on our part)by work or practice, though it usually follows upon them.

In Step Ten of 12 Step recovery it is suggested that we seek this conscience contact through prayer and meditation. The step also gives promise that if we do so we will recognize the implication of this conscious contact in our daily life.

Over time I came to believe ( to be convinced)that this conscience contact with God is evidenced by the recognition that all is grace and synchronicity, so that, no matter how chaotic or puzzling life becomes, my destiny is being beautifully fulfilled.

As the days and years tumble on I wonder why I wasted so much time struggling with worry or fear for the future, beating my self up, concerned that I wouldn't be up for coping with life's situations lacking the faith in my Higher Power.

When asked, I'll tell you my life until I was in my late twenties was one of chaos and lacking direction; that my life changed when I sobered up and turned my will and my life over to Good Orderly Direction.

I have to admit my ego kinda hedged the "turned my life over" proclamation with,"yah but, remember buster some of the credit belongs to me. If it wasn't for me planning your next moves and practicing every day on the maintenance of your spiritual condition some of the glitter would come off your new life."

I came to realize that my struggle with worry and fear was the product of my battle with life to retain control of it. The more I practiced letting go and letting GOD take care of the future the more peace and serenity I experience in my life. I must add my Higher Power doesn't send me advanced travel plans for my journey; no, just daily road signs (people,especially people, places and things) as to which routes and turns I should take next.

If I stay in the present, heed His direction and listen to the people in my life that I love (and visa-versa)my life as seen in my rear-view mirror makes sense. I can trust it. I'm where I'm suppose to be, going where I suppose to be. And to me that's down right awesome.

Conscious Contact With Higher Power

Reading Transcending The Levels of Consciousness, D. Hawkins, the other day I came across a passage that hooked me. As usual I twisted it into words I can relate to. The parenthesises are mine.

Mystical union(conscience contact with God) is a state of grace that is unconjured (not conjured by our prayer, meditation or any effort on our part)by work or practice, though it usually follows upon them.

In Step Ten of 12 Step recovery it is suggested that we seek this conscience contact through prayer and meditation. The step also gives promise that if we do so we will recognize the implication of this conscious contact in our daily life.

Over time I came to believe ( to be convinced)that this conscience contact with God is evidenced by the recognition that all is grace and synchronicity, so that, no matter how chaotic or puzzling life becomes, my destiny is being beautifully fulfilled.

As the days and years tumble on I wonder why I wasted so much time struggling with worry or fear for the future, beating my self up, concerned that I wouldn't be up for coping with life's situations lacking the faith in my Higher Power.

When asked, I'll tell you my life until I was in my late twenties was one of chaos and lacking direction; that my life changed when I sobered up and turned my will and my life over to Good Orderly Direction.

I have to admit my ego kinda hedged the "turned my life over" proclamation with,"yah but, remember buster some of the credit belongs to me. If it wasn't for me planning your next moves and practicing every day on the maintenance of your spiritual condition some of the glitter would come off your new life."

I came to realize that my struggle with worry and fear was the product of my battle with life to retain control of it. The more I practiced letting go and letting GOD take care of the future the more peace and serenity I experience in my life. I must add my Higher Power doesn't send me advanced travel plans for my journey; no, just daily road signs (people,especially people, places and things) as to which routes and turns I should take next.

If I stay in the present, heed His direction and listen to the people in my life that I love (and visa-versa)my life as seen in my rear-view mirror makes sense. I can trust it. I'm where I'm suppose to be, going where I suppose to be. And to me that's down right awesome.

Language of the Heart

As usual, while the rest of the household was still caught up in the bed sheets I got up and went through my morning routine of spiritual reading, meditation and prayer. Then with the birds singing with joy because of our (after a loooong unseasonably cold winter) springlike reprieve I went after the paper at the local newsstand.

The women was cheerful, it was contagious although she agreed with me that,"I have to get up a couple hours early in order to get myself together." To that I added, "know what you mean,I unfold rather than wake up."

Having shared my Sunday morning meanderings with you I'd like to share this-morning's spiritual reading,a poem by Rumi the much quoted 13th century Persian Sufi. I apologize to Rumi for mangling his beautiful words with my own translation.
Here is what I heard.

Speak from the heart, never the mind.
Your honesty and courage will set an example for others,
and by listening to you,
they will be inspired to reveal their own heart.
This "heart speaking" is a spiritual practice.
It means, tell the truth and live within
your own boundaries and dimensions
without ever bragging about things
you won't be able to to live up to
or deliver to others.
Heart speaking will bring you a gift
whenever you practice it.
You will do the next right thing.
The heart knows but cannot tell;
The mind doesn't know but can tell.
Stretch yourself to speak from the heart
and bypass the the mind---
you will see miracles
boomerang back into your life.

As my sponsor always cautioned me,"Speak and act as if you are the only Big
Book (AA) someone might read."
Or as Bill W. referred to the message of AA. Its "the language of the heart."

Jim

Celebrations s s s

Birthdays, anniversaries, celebrations. February is the merry month for us. It all starts out on Feb 4 and continues daily through Valentine day. Of the 7 birthdays and 2 anniversaries celebrated 5 stand out for my wife and I; our belly-button and recovery birthdays and our wedding anniversary.

The best part of the occasions are the handshakes, the hugs, the kisses, the phone calls, texts and emails.

I look forward to the cards (e & snail) especially the silly musical cards. I wear out the hinge and trip mechanism before I put them down. Usually there are no store-bought gifts. Have everything,don't need anything although I must admit I appreciate the debit gift cards to the restaurants. They're one gift that keeps on giving since my wife and I can then celebrate again on our date night.

Among those at the top of the list goes the handshakes and hugs, these are the priceless expressions of love and joy, given and received freely and generously. These are the gifts that directly validate that someone like myself could possibly grow out of his lonely self centered relationship with himself into someone capable of receiving and giving love.

I've saved the top of birthday list for something priceless; my 3+yr old great granddaughter singing over the phone "Happy Birthday Grandpa, happy birthday to you" in a voice as pure and sweet as any angel. It brought tears.

The top spot on the anniversary list goes of course to the former homecoming beauty, my loving soul mate and tennis partner for all the thousands of days we've been together. She didn't have to sing anything, just hug me.

Of course there is a special place in my heart for all the love and support from my friends in recovery who helped make all the celebrations possible.

Jim